A Better Way to Forgive
What does it mean to forgive someone?
What’s better is to forget. In forgiving, I have to remember the wrong that was done. I’m making an assumption that I am the party who’s in the right.
That’s a challengeable assumption.
And then, having remembered how I was wronged, I have to remember that I forgive you, and there’s something about this, which is I’m taking this position: “I” forgive “you”.
What’s basically going on in life is everything’s evolving; everyone’s evolving. If we feel like someone wounded us, we might be suffering from a failed memory about our own lesser state of development one time.
What’s better is to go to a higher consciousness state, where the past and whatever mistakes were made in the past are eminently forgettable.
This is what we’re after.
Jai Guru Deva
There are many layers to Thom’s answer here, which I’d like to discuss:
Q: What does Thom mean here? Is he suggesting that we forget all the bad things that have happened and invite people who have hurt us back in our lives?
We can’t take the word “forget” too literally here. If we substitute the word “forget” for “let-go” or “transcend,” Thom’s answer may read more easily.
Thom is challenging us to surrender the need to vocalize our righteousness in any situation. He suggests that the key to sustainable, true forgiveness is the act of forgetting – or transcending – our attachment to forgiveness itself.
To what extent do we seek fulfillment (or closure) by convincing others of our righteousness? Thom offers us an alternate path for ultimate liberation from the event or circumstance by transcending the entire situation altogether and rising above it.
Suppose we have had an unpleasant interaction with a person, where we were not valued or respected. Can we find the resolution within ourselves and surrender our need to display our righteousness vs. the “wrongness” we experienced?
Thom is not suggesting that we give a pass to everyone that behaves inappropriately towards us. “Forgetting” does not mean we let people who have hurt us back in our lives and let them walk all over us again. Instead, Thom suggests a broader path that gets us out of the “you’ve wronged me” mentality and looks towards a more expansive consciousness state.